It is the evening before the start of school. The start of a new year with a fresh group of 4th graders for me, seventh grade for the girls, and graduate course number two, (the first time I've taken my own coursework while teaching students.)
We had an early dinner. The girls got their own things ready. I prepped lunch items and did laundry this afternoon. Dax is napping since he has to work overnight tonight. I printed out my rosters and finished typing in my lesson plans. I'm waiting for the stress out to hit me...and it's stressing me out.
Normally at this time of the year, I would be running in circles, trying to get everything checked off my to-do list, squeezing in one last adventure before the start of school, suffering with nervous stomach and the fear of not sleeping.
But I'm not. I'm reading a book and feeling guilty (a little bit) about not freaking out. And feeling nervous (a little bit) that I forgot to do something because surely I should not be this calm.
I really want to try to keep a few promises to myself this year.
1. I will enjoy my graduate course work. After all, it's studying to do something I think I will love.
2. I will not let my role of teacher define me. Teaching is something I do, it's not who I am as a person.
3. Stay committed to yoga and meditation, even when things get busy. They will help keep me grounded.
4. Stay present focused and thinking with the heart center rather than getting stuck in my own head. Have faith and look for the positive in everything!!
Wish me luck!
Sunday, August 23, 2015
The Art of Doing Nothing
I wonder if everyone moves through the day with a endless stream of to-dos on their mind. Circumstances left me home alone this morning. My kids are at a friend's house, my husband is at work. I'm 5 days into my summer vacation and I decided today was a day where I was not going to plan to do anything. I might read, or bake, or watch TV. Maybe even play a little Wii when my girls get home. Today was not going to be a day of "to-dos," but rather a day of doing...exactly what I wanted in the moment.
The morning started fine. Awakened by the animals at 7 am, I finally dragged out of bed about 7:45, made myself a cup of coffee and started reading. Promptly, I fell back to sleep until almost 10. My day of relaxation seemed to be going o.k. I logged in to my online graduate course and finished commenting on my fellow classmates' infographics. Impressed with myself for checking off a to-do list item without really even thinking about it, I printed out my first reading assignment and tucked it away in a file folder for later.
So far, so good, right? Until I headed to the kitchen to make breakfast at which point my brain started to explode with things that needed to be done/purchased. ALL my kitchen towels are disgusting. No matter how hard I try, we cannot keep them from smelling mildewy. I have a plan to remedy the situation, but it will require spending money and a trip to the local home goods store. Neither of which is on my non-existent to-do list for today. Turning toward the linen drawer for a clean dishrag, I noticed my husband left a check on the counter that needs to go to the bank. Which made me think of the two bills I've been carrying around in my purse for days that need to go to the post office.
And so it goes. Suddenly, my day of relaxing and doing whatever I feel like doing whenever I feel like doing it, is derailed and I find myself adding more and more to my mental list. Now, rather than doing nothing, I'm stressing about all the things I need to/want to do that I'm not currently doing because I'm trying to relax. I seriously wonder if anyone else experiences this same mental madness.
So, I'm trying to calm my mind by writing. Which is something I love to do and do not allow myself to do often enough. It is one of my relaxing activities. Per my earlier post, I've been searching for my One Word for the year. After much contemplation and perhaps prayer (though I'm still not very good at listening post-prayer) I've finally settled on Faith/faith as my word for the year. I think it encompasses this problem of spin brain. It takes Faith to calm myself enough to quiet my thinking and focus on God's words to direct me to my tasks. If I can believe in my ability to remember important things when they become important, that is faith in myself. If I can give myself permission to take a break and do what I want to do, it shows faith in myself to get to it when what needs to get done becomes more important than what I want to do.
Is it possible to really do NOTHING? Or when we talk of doing "nothing" are we talking of doing what we WANT to do rather than what we feel we need/have to do? And how is this all connected to my focus on faith? Today I will work hard to be quiet and listen...
The morning started fine. Awakened by the animals at 7 am, I finally dragged out of bed about 7:45, made myself a cup of coffee and started reading. Promptly, I fell back to sleep until almost 10. My day of relaxation seemed to be going o.k. I logged in to my online graduate course and finished commenting on my fellow classmates' infographics. Impressed with myself for checking off a to-do list item without really even thinking about it, I printed out my first reading assignment and tucked it away in a file folder for later.
So far, so good, right? Until I headed to the kitchen to make breakfast at which point my brain started to explode with things that needed to be done/purchased. ALL my kitchen towels are disgusting. No matter how hard I try, we cannot keep them from smelling mildewy. I have a plan to remedy the situation, but it will require spending money and a trip to the local home goods store. Neither of which is on my non-existent to-do list for today. Turning toward the linen drawer for a clean dishrag, I noticed my husband left a check on the counter that needs to go to the bank. Which made me think of the two bills I've been carrying around in my purse for days that need to go to the post office.
And so it goes. Suddenly, my day of relaxing and doing whatever I feel like doing whenever I feel like doing it, is derailed and I find myself adding more and more to my mental list. Now, rather than doing nothing, I'm stressing about all the things I need to/want to do that I'm not currently doing because I'm trying to relax. I seriously wonder if anyone else experiences this same mental madness.
So, I'm trying to calm my mind by writing. Which is something I love to do and do not allow myself to do often enough. It is one of my relaxing activities. Per my earlier post, I've been searching for my One Word for the year. After much contemplation and perhaps prayer (though I'm still not very good at listening post-prayer) I've finally settled on Faith/faith as my word for the year. I think it encompasses this problem of spin brain. It takes Faith to calm myself enough to quiet my thinking and focus on God's words to direct me to my tasks. If I can believe in my ability to remember important things when they become important, that is faith in myself. If I can give myself permission to take a break and do what I want to do, it shows faith in myself to get to it when what needs to get done becomes more important than what I want to do.
Is it possible to really do NOTHING? Or when we talk of doing "nothing" are we talking of doing what we WANT to do rather than what we feel we need/have to do? And how is this all connected to my focus on faith? Today I will work hard to be quiet and listen...
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