Just Don't Say Anything

My 11 year old daughter started a conversation with me today by saying, 

"I'm about to tell you something, and I don't want you to SAY anything."

So I sat, literally, with my elbows on the office desk, hands over my mouth. I avoided eye contact with her and just LISTENED. Was that ever hard! It took all my self control to stop myself from dispensing advice, or trying to reason with her, or from telling her she was being overly dramatic. 

But, I held it in. She made it very clear from the outset that she did NOT care to know my opinion on the subject. She simply wanted me to know that she's figured out the reason behind a problem she's been having with her band class. She didn't want me to tell her she was silly, or needs to work harder, or that her theory is unfounded. In her mind, she just needed someone to hear and understand that her problem is not, in fact, playing the horn, but the way in which she is being coached (or rather not being coached.) 

Now that she's walked away, I want to tell her that I think it's pretty smart of her to analyze the situation and to uncover the truth about her struggles. A month ago she wanted to quit because she thought she was no good. She's taken the time to discover what really bothers her is not her lack of talent, but rather the interaction she has with her teachers. They are not, "her kind" of teachers. She needs someone, who above all else, wants the kids to have fun and someone who is going to praise as much as they push. That is not her current reality in band class. How wise of her to figure this out rather than continue to blame herself, her horn, or her attitude. 

She told me that maybe when she gets out of middle school and has different teachers, she'll feel differently about it. Maybe I should shut up more often and let my smart kiddos figure some things out for themselves. 

SO GLAD I could get this out by sharing it on my blog. Being silent is WAY hard!